No, You Shut Up

Last week three Democratic congressmen went over to Iraq to check out the situation in the country that controls the world's fifth largest army. You know, get the lay of the land before deciding whether we should pound that very land flatter than the head of a two-year-old beer absentmindedly left in the kitchen cupboard above the stove during a Labor Day Barbecue.

Now, these guys are admittedly anti-war nutcases. And I mean nutcases because they're flauting conventional wisdom which is "Hey, you knuckleheads, the election is only four weeks away, and you've announced that you're opposed to the war. What are you, flaming nutcases?" And apparently, the resounding answer is "yes."

So, one of the three flaming nutcases, Congressmen Jim McDermott from Washington, tells reporters his little group has warned Saddam his only chance to avoid a war with the country that controls the worlds's largest army and are real close friends to a bunch of countries that control the next three and numbers six through ten was to allow total access by UN weapons inspectors. Then a bunch of other reporters ran right over to Senate Minority Leader Trent Lott, R- Miss. and snitched on him.

Predictably, Lott went ballistic and railed about McDermott: "It's time he came home and shut his mouth." And all the reporters snickered because their faith in Trent always flipping out like a wolverine in an elevated cage swinging over a yard full of three-legged sheep was justified once again. "Shut your mouth." There you go, and isn't that exactly the kind of robust debate our Democracy is known for the world over? This is precisely the kind of political rhetoric that's going to inspire nations around the world they want to be more like US. Because of our fluid command of third grade reasoning.

"No, you shut up."
"No, you shut up."
"No, you shut up."
"No, you shut up."
"No..." Well, you get the picture.

Next Lott will announce that the reason every Republican member of Congress should vote for the President's resolution is, "Because I said so, that's why." And then we'll hit them with a, "I know you are, but what am I," before finally finishing with a brilliantly executed "I am rubber, you are glue: whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you ." But that seems to be the overriding motive for bombing Iraq. "Because I said so, that's why."

Will Durst knows you are, but what is he?


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