A Pocket Guide to Understanding Republicans

By now George W. Bush's malapropisms and mispronunciations are well known, even to the most news-phobic Japanian. But the problem goes much further than our Commander-in-Chief. Indeed, sometimes the entire Republican Party seems to have succumbed to the inability to speak properly.

For clarity's sake, I offer the following pronunciation guide to the Bush administration. Whenever the president, vice president, Senate minority leader, White House spokesperson, or other high-ranking Republican utters one of the following phrases, merely substitute the accompanying phonetic transcriptions to discover what's really being said.

My fellow Americans
1. MY FEL-lo ri-PUB-li-kins

The American people
1. thee uh-MAIR-uh-kin puh-TRO-lee-um INS-ti-toot
2. thee uh-MAIR-uh-kin LEEG
3. CHAR-uhl-tuhn HES-tun

The scientific community
1. thee uh-MAIR-uh-kin puh-TRO-lee-um INS-ti-toot

The Judeo-Christian Tradition
1. thuh KRIS-chun truh-DI-shun

The Christian Tradition
1. thuh fun-duh-MEN-tuh-list truh-DI-shun

The Almighty
1. JEE-zuhs
2. AL-uhn GREEN-span

Compassionate Conservatism
1. kuhn-SIR-vuh-ti-zuhm

Energy Policy
1. uh-MAIR-uh-kin puh-TRO-lee-um INS-ti-toot POL-uhs-ee

Faith-based Initiatives
1. KRIS-chun BASTE in-ISH-uh-tivs

Religious Freedom
1. PRAIR in SKOOL

Free Speech
1. un-LIM-uh-tid KAM-pain kon-tri-BYOO-shuns

Tolerance
1. IN-tall-uh-rinse

Family Values
1. SELLF in-DULL-ginse
2. PUB-lik in-TOCKS-uh-kay-shun
3. an-tee-in-tuh-LEK-choo-uhl-izm

Abstinence-based Education
1. IG-noh-rinse BASTE ED-you-kay-shun

Bipartisanship
1. PART-uh-zin-ship

Class Warfare
1. MIN-uh-muhm WAYG IN-krees

Socialism
1. HELLTH-kayr ruh-FORM

Demonization
1. KRIT-uh-si-zuhm

Industry Experience
1. CON-flikt uhv IN-trist

Mandate
1. KATH-rin HAIR-is
2. JEHB BOOSH
3. thuh suh-PREEM KORT

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. AlterNet’s journalists work tirelessly to counter the traditional corporate media narrative. We’re here seven days a week, 365 days a year. And we’re proud to say that we’ve been bringing you the real, unfiltered news for 20 years—longer than any other progressive news site on the Internet.

It’s through the generosity of our supporters that we’re able to share with you all the underreported news you need to know. Independent journalism is increasingly imperiled; ads alone can’t pay our bills. AlterNet counts on readers like you to support our coverage. Did you enjoy content from David Cay Johnston, Common Dreams, Raw Story and Robert Reich? Opinion from Salon and Jim Hightower? Analysis by The Conversation? Then join the hundreds of readers who have supported AlterNet this year.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure AlterNet remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to AlterNet, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.

Close
alternet logo

Tough Times

Demand honest news. Help support AlterNet and our mission to keep you informed during this crisis.