Bush Goes From a Nap to a Coma

You got to love George W. Bush. Tuckered out from being so near the vicinity of actual work, the guy simply needed to escape back to his ranch in Crawford, Texas to get back to basics and remember what its like to do nothing. On the job for a scant seven months and he needs a 35 day vacation. Nice work if you can get it.

People, five weeks is not a vacation, that's a sabbatical. No wonder everybody wants this gig. Who does he think he is, the president of Europe? The only people who get five weeks vacation are German trade unionists, Parisian waiters and Santa Claus -- and the last two are fictional.

Before this period of vacating, Bush has already spent a month of his administration in Crawford, he's been at Camp David for all or parts of 38 days, and weeks o'plenty gallivanting around re-introducing himself to various world leaders. "Remember me, I'm Pappy's kid. Sorry about trashing the guest wing last time. Karl Rove's got a check for you."

So that means, since being on the job from the end of January, he's actually been at work, what, about a week? George W, the first slacker president. He truly is from Austin. "Dude, the job don't pay much, but the perks are egregiously righteous."

Thats what the W must stand for: "whooaaa!" President Keanu.

Not to mention 5 weeks dead solid summer in West Texas, which has to be as enchanting as a herd of gut shot armadillos tied to your daddy's trunk in the attic. The temperature down there's been shaking hands with triple digit dew points his entire stay. So we may be talking brain fry here, which just might explain how the Administration conveniently discovered $4.3 billion they claim they didn't know they had. Apparently it was in the back pocket of their brown slacks hanging in the hall closet down on the ranch all along.

Actually, they changed an accounting column and took some money headed for social security and changed it to money not headed for social security. Reagan did the same thing in '83 when he changed the unemployment equation. One minute people were unemployed, the next they were labeled unemployable. In the private sector this activity is known as "creative bookkeeping" and can be rewarded with long stretches of quiet time in federal institutions where those perfume swatches in magazines are worth a lot of cigarettes.

The favorable thing is this precedent frees us individuals to futz with our own budgets including the reporting of expenses on our tax returns. Are you with me here? For instance, that $600 dinner at Ruth's Chris Steak House was really a "franchise investment study." The trips to the Cayman Islands are "mathematical chaos theory research." And that monthly case of vintage French champagne is an "extremely complex ongoing chemistry experiment."

Will Durst is in the midst of a lifelong chemistry experiment.

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