Ho Ho Huh? A Guide to Christmas Trivia

Did you know...

To honor the birth of Jesus, the Three Wise Men arrived in Bethlehem bearing gifts of frankincense, gold and a Hungry, Hungry Hippo game.

Before Santa Claus, John the Baptist distributed presents to children around the world. Unfortunately, many kids were severely traumatized after being forced to sit on the lap of a headless man and he was quickly replaced by the jollier, and easier on the eyes, Saint Nick

Santa's middle name is Pugsley.

Santa's first crew consisted of highly trained lemurs. But their shoddy workmanship and frequent breaks to groom each other for parasites slowed toy production to a virtual standstill. According to the current contract, elves are allowed only two 15-minute parasite grooming breaks per shift.

During the filming of White Christmas, Danny Kaye died from choking on his own vomit. Kaye's final scenes were shot by attaching his corpse to an overhead boom with fishing line. Extra crew members had to be hired to fend off the gathering swarms of flies but the results speak for themselves. The movie has become a holiday classic and also spawned the highly successful Weekend at Bernie's franchise.

According to a radio survey, the most requested Christmas songs of all time are "Jingle Bells," "That Fa La La Song," and "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

Eggnog remains far and away the most popular of the nog-based beverages, easily beating out both olivenog and clamnog.

The Island of Misfit Toys was briefly considered as a site for the television show, Survivor.

The most common questions children ask Santa: "Is your beard real?" "What's your cholesterol level?" "Is Rudolph's red nose the result of years of alcohol abuse?"

The most common questions investigative reporters ask Santa: "Are you still dating Courtney Love?" "Where the hell is the Nissan Pathfinder I asked for last Christmas, lardo?" "Is your beard real?"

Cutting down a tree and bringing it indoors during the holiday season is meant to symbolize Man's unrelenting domination over puny Nature.

A lot of mail intended for Santa's workshop accidentally ends up at the neighboring compound, Superman's Fortress of Solitude.

In many parts of the world, cheese balls are an affliction, not a delicious holiday snack.

Office Christmas parties are the perfect way to show off social skills and launch a fast track career advancement plan. Just follow a few simple guidelines to stand out from the crowd. Always check the toner level in the Xerox machine before running off copies of your ass or other body parts. Use of hallucinogenic drugs is not yet widely accepted in a corporate environment, so it is best to eat the peyote buttons on the ride to the party. Be polite but not afraid to voice a distinct opinion. If you think your boss's wife dresses like a whore who specializes in fetish play, let him know it in no uncertain terms. He'll respect your honesty.

If a house doesn't have a chimney, Santa will usually jimmy the patio doors or break out a front room window to gain access.

During the Leopold and Loeb trial, prosecutors tried to bolster their case by issuing a subpoena for Santa's Naughty list. But citing the "sanctity of the lap," the presiding judge quashed their effort.

Elves are colorblind, but that still doesn't excuse their garish bell-laden wardrobes.

Of all the reindeer, only Blitzen ever served time in a Turkish prison. Although, he later characterized it as just a "crappy ultra-strict petting zoo where sodomy was rampant."

Santa Claus is the third most recognizable person on the planet, trailing only Muhammad Ali and Helen Hunt.


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