DURST: Presidential Puckering Up

So the deal is, there's less than two months left before the presidential election. That's the good news.

The bad news is one of these squeeze bags is going to win. And both camps pretty much agree whoever wins the women's vote will be that squeezebag. That's why these guys are sucking up to moms and would be moms like vacuum powered barnacles with every breath. Shameless pandering of a magnitude not seen since Rosie O'Donnell interviewed Barbra Streisand. Fine tuning their stances and making counter proposals on what are considered women's issues like education, the environment and area rugs.

They even went so far as to match each other kiss for kiss: Gore with his wife at the Democratic convention, and Bush with Oprah on her show. That's right, he kissed her right on her show. It's only going to get more heated as we get closer to E Day. Here's some of the wrinkles one might expect.

* Muffy things. Women like those muffy things that go on and around the toilet seat. First one to propose their installation be mandatory in bars and stadiums wins.

* Flowers. For some reason, ladies appreciate cut flowers. The attraction must be the sheer extravagance of buying something pretty that will die in a week. Buy all eligible female voters something pretty that will die in a week. Like the physical representation of a campaign promise.

* Curtains. What this country needs is an official policy on curtains and curtain rods.

Will Durst has a policy on curtains. He's for them.

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