DURST: Security Sieve-O-Rama City

If you thought news about the State Department laptop computer containing sensitive files about weapons proliferation that went missing from the so- called Bureau of Intelligence was bad, this is not the piece for you. If you considered the discovery of a listening device implanted in the arm of a conference room chair by a Russian spy, I'm sorry, I mean diplomat, don't read any further. You'd be better off turning on the TV and watching a Matlock rerun.

Turns out these were isolated incidents the same way Wisconsin dandelions in August are. Our Ministry of Foreign Relations has more leaks than an umbrella made out of perforated jellyfish entrails.

More than four security breaches are experienced every day, and enough people are wandering around the halls to qualify the place as a bus station lobby. I know with this full employment economy its hard to get good help these days, but not only do the people who clean the State Department offices at night lack proper security clearances, the Department lacks the requisite staff to inspect outgoing cars and briefcases. We're talking Sieve-O-Rama City here.

Marine guards used to practice for overseas duty by conducting surprise inspections on offices, but they averaged 63 problems each time, so the sweeps were cut because they resulted in too much paperwork. To paraphrase Lily Tomlin, no matter how incredulous you get, you just can't keep up.

Will Durst thinks the State Department should adopt the ostrich as its official mascot.

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