DURST: Pets.com Sues Conan

You Can't Make Stuff Up Like This.

* A St. Petersburg, Florida, Post Office Supervisor was ordered to cut 3/4 of her one inch fingernails but instead went on medical leave claiming the mandated manicure was causing her stress. Of course this is probably just standard operating civil service procedure.

* Wonder how much therapy little Elian is going to require after he grows up and realizes he was forced out of the closet at gunpoint? One weird thing to think about is if Janet Reno had been in charge of the Iran hostage rescue effort, Jimmy Carter might have served two terms.

* Bill Gates dropped a notch in the world's richest dude contest after Microsoft's stock plummeted due to his problems with the Justice Department. Poor baby, forced to scrape by on a mere sixty eight billion dollars. Anybody feel like holding a fundraiser? That's what I thought. He'll be crushed.

* Darva Conger has agreed to pose nude for Playboy for an undisclosed fee suspected to be way over a million dollars. I imagine the spread will be called "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire Then Divorce The Dude Claiming He's A Hound And A Lech Then Become A Millionaire On Her Own By Appealing To The Same Base Instincts On A Worldwide Basis."

* Republicans recently set a record for a political fund raiser when they pulled in $21.3 million in D.C.. Seems as if that whole campaign reform deal has been set on the back burner until the front runner can pad his way to the top, but then, you watch, real reform with results will rule the day. Yeah, right, and bananas make good electrical conduits.

* Pets.com sued "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" for defaming the company's sock puppet. Proving once again that corporations without senses of humor should not be allowed to feature comedic ad campaigns.

Will Durst is not kidding.

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. AlterNet’s journalists work tirelessly to counter the traditional corporate media narrative. We’re here seven days a week, 365 days a year. And we’re proud to say that we’ve been bringing you the real, unfiltered news for 20 years—longer than any other progressive news site on the Internet.

It’s through the generosity of our supporters that we’re able to share with you all the underreported news you need to know. Independent journalism is increasingly imperiled; ads alone can’t pay our bills. AlterNet counts on readers like you to support our coverage. Did you enjoy content from David Cay Johnston, Common Dreams, Raw Story and Robert Reich? Opinion from Salon and Jim Hightower? Analysis by The Conversation? Then join the hundreds of readers who have supported AlterNet this year.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure AlterNet remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to AlterNet, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.