Winners, Losers and Bigger Losers
So the deal is, we may be feverishly wiping poisonous sweat off our collective brow due to our long national wet dream finally being over, but you got to remember we barnacles on the ship of state known as "the media" are going to miss the impeachment process like pilot whales in a water park without plankton. So let's talk about the winners and losers of this whole tawdry thing and then we'll put it aside and not talk about it for most of the rest of the millenium. Yeah, right and the Bering Sea needs a surfing report.* Winner: Bill Clinton. The man is smoother than tapioca pudding after three hours in a NASA centrifuge. * Loser: Ken Starr. What was that Ken? 11 impeachable offenses? The human equivalent of a ferret with metal shavings in his paw.* Winner: Hillary Clinton: Heir apparent to Moynihan's Senate seat in New York? Or just another White House refugee willing to do anything to get out?* Loser: Linda Tripps kids. Linda said she wants people to do to her kids what she did to Ms. Lewinsky, and she thought of herself as Monica's surrogate mom. Which species? One of those that eats their young apparently. * Winner: Matt Drudge. Big scoop jump started case from day one. Got Fox News show. * Loser: Matt Drudge. 13 months later, one hit wonder still looking for next scoop. Can't seem to book any other guest other than Lucianne Goldberg. * Winner: The American people. The system works.* Loser: The American people. But look who's running it.* Winner: Larry Flynt. Too legit to quit. * Loser: Senator Tim Hutchinson, R-Ark. Hey Tim, who's that coming up behind you on the right? Why, that's your little brother Asa. * Winner: Teletubbbies.* Loser: Jerry Falwell. Will Durst thinks Jerry Falwell doth protest too much.