NORMA JEAN: Tunnel of Love

Our obsession with falling "madly in love" can diminish regular people to "not enough" for us to consider for that real love we all thirst for. Recently a man I dated confessed he wanted a "Trophy Wife." Maybe "God/ Goddess, or Bust" is your slogan, too. Hell, who am I to complain since only a Hollywood star could once get my juices flowing. People sometimes feel that ordinary human beings are not worthy of their precious love. We make the mistake of believing that we can love only those who reflect the ideal projection of our inner divine selves. Folks who run Personals are after everything in one individual it sometimes seems; someone to fulfill their dreams, their sexual fantasies, their need to be loved. They are ISO someone to make life meaningful and to give them full time emotional and financial security. Thrill-seeking and a spontaneous acts of 'simply being' are two different things. To honor, affirm and wish someone genuine happiness and well-being is more about love than all those crazy mixed up feelings, or being 'swept off one's feet.' When we have a rare moment of loving rather than being focused on our own gratifications we stop demanding the other person be a life/love provider, or assessing how they will make us look to our friends and family. We relax into giving.For years, I lived to be transported to a magical place with someone through sex, drugs, vacations, and glamour. Seeking deep connection through sexual intrigue brings one back to the drawing board each time, more depressed than ever. Part of us wants to be able to walk around the house disheveled and grumpy with someone -- to let down the show and be real. It's a mighty mind-fuck, to say the least, to be one moment in the clouds, and the next moment making mental health long-distance calls to connect with real friends after a lover proves to be less than a friend. Romantic love appears to us as though we are in relationship with another, but relating to a human being and using that person as a vehicle for one's projections are two different things. If you're after a woman that is elusive, unattainable, or airbrushed even, you are howling at the moon. Flesh and blood women can be seen standing wearily at a sink washing dishes in unflattering light, their bodies sometimes lumpy in less desirable places. Real men get grumpy and forget birthdays, they sometimes step on feelings and disappear into tasks or software. Sometimes when a simple relationship offers us happiness we won't accept it -- too dull. Our culture and mythology has made it mega-business to inflate, glamorize and insist that experience be hyper-intense and complicated for us to feel truly alive.Feeling compelled to frantically kept up a shiny Playmate-like glow, obsessively working on those abs, and taking mega-nutrients for all the damned energy it takes to present yourself as worthy, is futile. It takes guts to live in the ordinary life, stirring the pasta, bending over to pick up children's toys, finding a parking space.One of life's lessons is to fall hopelessly in love only to be crucified in the paradox of having both human and divine needs. Love,Normal JeanRead WE by Robert A. Johnson.

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. AlterNet’s journalists work tirelessly to counter the traditional corporate media narrative. We’re here seven days a week, 365 days a year. And we’re proud to say that we’ve been bringing you the real, unfiltered news for 20 years—longer than any other progressive news site on the Internet.

It’s through the generosity of our supporters that we’re able to share with you all the underreported news you need to know. Independent journalism is increasingly imperiled; ads alone can’t pay our bills. AlterNet counts on readers like you to support our coverage. Did you enjoy content from David Cay Johnston, Common Dreams, Raw Story and Robert Reich? Opinion from Salon and Jim Hightower? Analysis by The Conversation? Then join the hundreds of readers who have supported AlterNet this year.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure AlterNet remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to AlterNet, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.