Norma Jean: Time to Love

Dear Norma Jean,I can't think of a single person I know, including myself, that isn't dysfunctional in one way or another. Finding someone who doesn't press the wrong buttons in our emotional programming or someone whom we could really trust seems impossible People look at me and say, "Why, you must have a lot of men asking you out!" But the truth is I'm alone. The choice to be alone was my gift to myself ... one half of whatever the dysfunction was in my relationship was my fault.Knowing women are prone to giving up their essence for men, I have a great fear of getting involved with someone, as I don't trust myself to continue on my own road in the face of romantic distraction. Living alone has made me wise and strong, and I wouldn't give that up. I don't trust myself to know who's sincere and who's just acting when it comes to love.The essential question is this: "Am I sad because I'll never live the life of the typical American wife and nurturer, or am I sad because it's a life I never wanted but wasted so much time pursuing anyway?" If the latter is true (most believe not), will I ever be in love again? It's only now that I'm becoming a person who is enduring and peaceful despite my best efforts in the past to destroy myself. I'm grown-up, love my job, friends and many activities. For friends, love is unconditional, but romantic love is different. I'm not sure I even believe in love in a break-neck speed life.Through experimenting with Alibi Personals I gained insight. I listened to the messages from seemingly responsible, nice men and was aware that the walls we build around ourselves are pretty strong; the hedges separating our yards too tall. I don't have the courage to pursue the connections. I need more time.Your Friend in PhilosophyDear friend,Trust is the word, trusting in your own spirit and purpose, and not the never-ending love of another. Real support comes from the inside. All that gobbledy-gook about the American woman's need to nurture isn't prohibitive without a mate, and yes, we've been rendered schizoid balancing a biological need to give and receive sexual/romantic love with the need to develop ourselves outside of traditional roles; true, too, for men.Exile time is all too familiar, having parched my dragging feet in it's desert for a decade. All the benefits and wisdom honed while growing cobwebs you know where puts us into a quandary. Solitary living and sparse nooky makes one a philosophical gal all right.Dysfunction is a word explaining away and condemning our complexity. What's challenged in love is one's faith in life itself. Joy is found not in predictable hugs and kisses each day, but in the uncovering of all we are. There're no guarantee you'll even live through this day! People are created equal in their desire to commune intimately. Work and love are essential for a full life.

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