Norma Jean: The Rising Cost of Toe Sucking

Just a quick note to protest the fact that even though you condemn Newt Gingrich and the Republican right for shoving traditional family values down our throats versus alternative lifestyles that so many of us enjoy, your newspaper "taxes" us "alternative people" by charging an additional 50 cents per minute to respond to ads in Alternatives. It also charges us after the first 10 words in Alternatives, versus after the traditional first 30 in the regular Personals section.What gives? Why should me and my girl be charged extra just because we want to find a hot little honey to ravage? I don't think you have any business putting down the greedy Republicans when your own company is nickel and diming us to death just because our tastes are a little different...maybe a lot different, i.e., my girl's desire to suck the toes of beautiful women.So what lame excuse do you have?Sincerely,Richard LopezDear Mr. Lopez,In order to give the wildly popular "Uncensored Alternatives" section a home of its own and accommodate its rapidly multiplying family, this newpaper had to allocate a full page to you, as well as set up a completely new computer/phone system. Someone has to do all the phone labor/data entry, party planning, and problem solving for you knuckleheads who lose codes daily, experience writer's block and must call and complain about a missing comma in your ad. This service is worth something, no? What do we look like, some charity organization for the "Want their cake and eat it too, set?" Some of you clever types even run 2 or 3 ads in different categories with no sense of ecology; think of the trees it takes to print a paper each week!Expansion always seems to evoke a little "ouch" from the peanut gallery, whether it be all those creepy orange barrels that just won't go away, or making room for more and more types of people, housing, and lifestyles. I say count your blessings that we even have a venue for your wife to find the toes of her choice! Ravaging sweet little honeys comes with a teensy price of 50 cents extra per minute. So what! Tell me it's not worth every penny, mid-ravage.Don't complain; it is always FREE to run a Personals ad. 1) You can write and ask for anything you so desire in a written ad, 2) You can call into your service any number of times per day to see what's in the net and 3) Your ad stays in a month.Remember the people starving around the world? The homeless? Your complaint is simply the price of toe and honey! Given the tenor of the times, I say be glad we exist for you! Why, I wouldn't put it past those bastards on the far right to soon institute mandatory clitorectomies for wanton, unmarried, impregnable females, or even develop some sort of anti-erection drug for the "alternative set." Wake up and smell the roses, my friend. This party may soon be over.Love,Norma Jean

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