NORMA JEAN: The Mean and Nasty One Night Stand

[Note: Artwork must accompany column. Designed to your specifications at no cost by Missy Neal, Art Director. Call 505-268-8111.]Why is it that women get so angry about one great night of sex? So often I hear complaints about the men who wine, dine and body worship a female, only to disappear forever after the erotic event. A colleague of mine actually said he wants to chew his arm off and make a silent escape before the sun rises--even if it was an excellent fuck. He attributes this behavior to immaturity. A musician into the downtown club scene says he now makes the follow-up phone call, but rarely encourages another date--too much guilt. He may appear eligible, but he is definitely not.I have felt as these guys have, too. In fact, a lot of females want great, uninhibited sex without all the baggage of "OK, now that we've done it, we have to be an item." Nonsense. The irony of this indifferent attitude is that if you don't show any interest in getting to know your lover, men get really indignant, too. I once seduced a "ski god" in Taos, and we had one of the most memorable sexually satisfying nights ever. I left before dawn, never called, and left him no way to reach me. Months later I ran into him at a club he kept yelling "You used me! You used me ... nobody has ever done that to me!"Of course I used him--I didn't even know him. We used the masculine and feminine sexuality in each other. Erotic energy is sometimes best expressed when projections of "family" are distinctly absent. Just look to the Uncensored Alternatives page and regard all the people who tell it like it is. "Intriguing man ISO woman for ongoing sex games ...," "SWF ISO zipless fun ..." There is no mention of emotional relationship here, and when this person ravishes you and fails to get involved with your elderly parents, don't whine about it!Conditioning for social/religious order is so deep and so ingrained from childhood that guilt hangs like a rain cloud over any kind of sexual contact outside the arena of "LTR hopeful." Women love sex, yet complain that "all men are dogs." It's a fact of nature; we are all animals.Everyone claims to want love and the safety of commitment eventually. Women bear children and biologically need a man to protect the roost and endure through that 18-year process. This desire to bond and procreate is always at play beneath the sexual attraction leaving perspective our only hope for avoiding the pain of our projections. If you need sex, get it, and don't play games with yourself about what your intentions are. I've learned that calling a spade a spade is the most grounded way to handle the emotional uncertainty of casual sex. Humor also works wonders. Let go and let god take care of soul-mating.If men would stop the hit and run act -- and women the victim act -- we might all have more fun. Let's be kind in our confusion, and grateful for this human pleasure.Superficially yours,

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. AlterNet’s journalists work tirelessly to counter the traditional corporate media narrative. We’re here seven days a week, 365 days a year. And we’re proud to say that we’ve been bringing you the real, unfiltered news for 20 years—longer than any other progressive news site on the Internet.

It’s through the generosity of our supporters that we’re able to share with you all the underreported news you need to know. Independent journalism is increasingly imperiled; ads alone can’t pay our bills. AlterNet counts on readers like you to support our coverage. Did you enjoy content from David Cay Johnston, Common Dreams, Raw Story and Robert Reich? Opinion from Salon and Jim Hightower? Analysis by The Conversation? Then join the hundreds of readers who have supported AlterNet this year.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure AlterNet remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to AlterNet, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.