NORMA JEAN: Sex Addicts

Dear Sex Addicts,Sometimes too much drink is not enough.Sex addiction is a delicious high. Adrenaline rises as you slip into a sexy bra and garter belt and then cover up with something more casual. The trance takes hold as the hours tick towards the instant of that Þrst touch. Off you go, to meet that attractive someone and have a glass of wine. You're going to have great sex tonight. Yes!The adrenaline rush is often better than the sex. The entire ritual is quite the high. The look in your lover's eyes as you strip slowly and expose your beautiful breasts is pure ecstasy; what power, a moment of control. Who cares if your life is in shambles?After orgasm, a sexual hangover may pop any illusion of love, like it or not. One's real life comes back into focus as your partner sleeps on his side of the bed and you remember that you forgot to feed the cat, there are troubles at work, or maybe an over-drawn bank account. You might feel shame and emptiness. Stay and sleep over with this person to keep the fantasy of ongoing relationship alive, but his/her awkwardness in the morning is telling.All that anticipation, preparation and fantasy ... what an energy drain! "Hell, if I can't get love, I'll take sex," you might hear yourself justify. Sex is a drug exactly like alcohol, sugar, coffee, TV or over-spending. We all share an unfulÞlled longing to be loved, a longing that goes back into the archives of childhood, a longing that makes us feel empty, bored, dissatisÞed or anxious when we don't have "prospects" brewing. Women seek, on some level, power within through sex. Often, the euphoria of that Þrst touch is the Þx for a deep empty feeling inside, a feeling of unlovability or simply not knowing who we are. Many women vacillate between a totally insatiable need to Þnd sex partners and a tendency to become completely co-dependent in a relationship. Does this ring true for you?People feel they are able to manage their sex-capades and boast of it's antidotal beneÞts to the tedium of real life. This is called denial. Shifting from addiction to addiction is another way to avoid uncomfortable feelings. In every case you're always mucking around in a quagmire of depression that sexual activities or chemicals mask.Addictions split people in half. One side is always justifying the addictive behavior, "Fuck it, I'm just going to get completely loaded tonight because this week was such a friggin' drag." Or, "Relationships suck, I'm going to dress up, go out, and shamefully ßirt with the Þrst hunk I see. I just need sex." Anyone out there who feels their life revolving around the waxing and waning of sexual conquest and who can admit that it's getting a tad unmanageable or obsessive, there's a 12-step program called Sex Addicts Anonymous. SA is a safe place to begin an inquiry into this behavior. You are not alone.Consult your phone book for the Sex Addicts Anonymous center nearest you.

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