Norma Jean: Open Heart, Soft Belly

Open Heart, Soft BellyEverybody talks a blue streak about falling in love. You won't like this, but love is not something you "fall into" or "fall out of." It's an action, something one does, something to be practiced like the game of tennis. Love is not something one happens to feel or not feel. Now isn't this information kind of sobering?I'm into my middle years and stubbornly insist on falling in love or living a solitary life. It's a sorry state. Many people, 35-45, have never married yet claim to want a partner and children more than anything else as they actively seek the thrilling, sexy, wonderful feelings of falling in love with someone right. These people put off loving -- grasping their fearful hold on themselves, avoiding the act of loving unless it arrives to their speciÞcations: long lean legs, millionaire father-in law or whatever. One of the most disturbing aspects of human nature is the conditional aspect of being able to give or receive love. When you think you are "in love" with someone, it actually gives your heart an excuse to act on its deepest impulse: to love. Love is always ßowing inside, yearning to express itself. It's an illusion that love is coming to you from someone else or is inside another. People withhold love in their own families. I know a man whose father could not utter the words "I love you" to his devoted son, even on his deathbed when there was nothing left to lose. We're all going to die. Everyone who plays in the drama of your everyday life will be dead someday; their smell, their voice, their quirky ways will be gone forever. We will one day be alone or dead ourselves, all of us. The embrace or kindly act today could be your last. So what stops us from actively loving our friends, lovers, parents and children? What stops us from ravishing our lovers?Some folks are too busy being heroes of acquisitions. If you are a more evolved type, then you can consider yourself a hero of transformation, priding yourself on the mastery of aikido, for example, or meditation, exotic travels, medical school. You do not fundamentally change, and feel unÞnished. The heart is locked up. Resistance to deep sexuality and deep love is actually fear of getting screwed or of the commitment to love and is more common than not. Women who become self sufÞcient and "Co-Dependent No More" eventually realize they are still searching for love. For most woman, sisterhood is not enough. Independent strength does not Þll the emptiness inside.There is no ultimate relationship to seek. There is no perfect self acceptance to achieve. All of us can live and breath love daily, unarmored and unstriving. It's a hard call, but what else have we got?Loving isn't about winning, it's about giving up your stand. It's about surrender. The drama of our lives is very short.I want to surrender... I want to feel you surrender,


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