Norma Jean: I DonÕt Care for Sugar, Honey

Sometimes we want what isn't good for us. It's precisely at that moment when the company and feel of someone begins to intoxicate the mind that orderly life begins to teeter out of control. Obsessing over an afternoon delight, taking time away from work or family to indulge in this most delicious of all pleasures invites just enough danger into ones ordinary life to make love feel more real than usual. Aspects of our personality which are usually kept in check begin to bubble up to the surface with the promise of deep intimacy and shared secrets. Some are more prone than others to the suffocating insanity of being touched by someone in a way that conjures up one's childhood and begins to toy with the deep yearnings of the soul. One's sexuality which is normally manageable begins to have a life of its own as the promise of fulfillment and new sexual heights do all the thinking in place of reason.Crying at the drop of a phrase, or bursts of anger, or both, often become part of daily communication with the desired person. Love affairs often feel, as Annie Lennox puts it, "... like walking on broken glass..."Experience teaches us to recognize the inevitable suffering that comes with pursuing impossible loves. Dating married people, for example, no matter what these folks claim their 'situation' to be is always a bad idea. Falling for the lines and charms of classic Casanovas over and over is something to look at, as is choosing people proven to fold under real commitment. Picking crazy unstable people to fix is another dead end. Some people find challenge in making a man/woman forget their fantasy lover and run off with them. Whatever scenario catches you in its intoxicating net, watch it, and don't be so quick to call it love. Love is always more erotic and more urgent when there is an obstacle. Remove the wife, the ex-lover, the age or geographic difference, the forbidding parents, and therein lies the rub. We think it's real until it gets real. After the wedding and playing house a while, lots of couples come to realize deep inside that their time together is limited. Seeking romance outside of marriage to cover this realization only generates more suffering for all parties involved. A spouse feels neglected and the 'afternoon delighter' grows to want more as feelings unravel. Many claim cheating works to preserve a marriage, but I suspect it only brings both parties into numbness and more denial.Graduate work in vibrant living and loving, fulfilling monogamy, and lasting commitment is just what the doctor orders for couples and singles who desire to expand their repertoires. Relationship seminars such as "Making Love Work" with Barbara De Angelis (in Los Angeles), or with David Deida, relationship therapist is sometimes an excellent way to explore what ails you in relationships. Highly recommended are the tapes of all those dedicated to moving us along into a deeper awareness of who we are to and for each other!See you there,[Norma Jean's signature]"Making Love Work" information: 310-574-9288David Deida Seminars: 512-442-7350

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