NORMA JEAN: Hurricane Watch

[Ed Note: Artwork must accompany column. Designed to your specifications at no cost by Missy Neal, Art Director. Call 505-268-8111.]In the course of my work here, I encounter a lot of trepidation and outright complaints from men regarding women's volatile emotional nature. It's common to hear a woman dismissed as insane, bitchy or crazy when men are asked why a relationship isn't working or why someone isn't in the running for intimacy.Many men fear a woman's hysterical moods, rages, and perceived out-of-control emotions. Sometimes printed ads state certain qualities as undesirable; "no pan-throwing types," "stable only need apply," and even "no nuts or Prozac users please." All this up front qualifying makes one wonder how men find women attractive at times for the same intensities that they run from at other times; a fiery nature and unpredictable sexiness drive men wild one minute and sends them running the next as their girlfriend turns into an out-of-control "turbo charged bitch-on -wheels," as one male friend of mine put it. Men can be afraid of and even disgusted by a woman's bad moods. Some state, "I just want a simple uncomplicated woman -- the younger the better -- who can remain steady and sweet." A popular request seen in Personals is, "Please, no emotional baggage." In his book, The Way of the Superior Man, Dr. David Deida states, "When a woman gets emotionally intense, a mediocre man wants to calm her down and discuss it, or leave and come back later when she is 'sane.'"A woman who is angry or sad about something and going really wild is so scary to a man that he often stonewalls her until some time has passed. Saying calmly, "I'll come back when you start acting like a human being and calm down" actually intensifies the storm.Men, Deida insists to "let a woman be as wild as a hurricane. Let her powers rage uncontrollably, allow her the room to go mad and remain stable, strong and present ... period. Don't try to "fix" her. Allow her her full range of emotion." Women simply want to be heard and acknowledged, not coached on how to be more like a man, for God's sake. Don't analyze or judge your girlfriend. Try touching her with love or making her laugh. Deida suggests using playfulness and humor and tells men, "You all have much to gain from the depths of a woman's feminine gifts."When a female can feel her man is completely trustworthy and not running from her, she relaxes. Dark moods may be blamed on PMS, unruly children or a bad day at the office but in reality, a woman complains because she isn't feeling loved and appreciated by her partner. She feels her partner is somehow not present to her. Don't just tolerate her mood, which can lead to resentment, Deida says, and don't discuss it! Participate in it. Penetrate a woman's closure and bitchiness with a fearless presence.I could live with that,Norma Jean"The Way of the Superior Man," A Man's Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire, by David Deida.To order call: 512-442-7350 or e-mail:

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