Norma Jean: Chase or Be Chaste?

Women err again and again in the realm of romance by wearing their hearts on their sleeves way too soon. All that '60s-taught, take-the-lead bullshit encouraging women to become aggressive in dating, and in bed, is pure crap and has gotten females nowhere when it comes to attaining a fulfilling relationship based in mutual interest and respect. In other words, getting the whole enchilada not just the salsa. Having a partner to trust your heart with is the only way to grow into womanhood, not to mention opening up sexually for some serious erotic exploration clear of a previous night's conquest and STD risk. Sob stories often ring of this familiar whine: "This guy hasn't called back in a week," or, "I call to plan the weekend with him and he puts me on hold until the last minute. Why, I'm 'Sassy So-and-So'Ñmen love me!"Jeez girlfriend, if you're so sensational, let him discover you himself. And men do experience this: "This woman actually started talking about exclusivity after one date, making all kinds of rules for me. I wasn't thinking about her and started to get midnight phone calls. I barely know her, and she's checking in regularly."Girls who think chasing is a sign of confidence deserve the title "girls." Chasing, calling and keeping open schedules are distinct indicators of a lack of self-control. Predatory activities may result in short-term victories like maybe getting laid again or coercing another date; but hurt, pain and suffering follow shortly thereafter as you notice the poop on your shoe.I've been there, believe me. I've driven 18 miles in the middle of the day to check if any "foreign" cars were in my boyfriend's driveway, and in a feverish state, I'd spin around returning to my job with heart-thumping shame, calling him, standing on eggshells, faking nonchalance, "Hi honey, just checking in. ... "Too much emphasis is placed on the moment to moment of "how a relationship's going" and whether the guy is thinking about other women. People become completely disempowered and catapult the individual they think they love in pursuit of others with their suspicious and insecure energies. Anticipating the needs of men, booking their time for them or running "I Saw You," ads cooking elaborate meals, making visits to workplaces and leaving "droppings" in his apartment doesn't endear a man to a woman, ladies. Even honorable, womanly efforts burn to ash as soon as Mr. Right sees all your cards on the table. I've watched friends wither in confidence after moving too hastily into his space, tap dancing before a lukewarm heart.It's your radiance and the thrill of pursuit he wants, not undying devotion and the deed for twin grave plots.We all "love to love you baby." Giving people room to move towards you after a relationship is established makes receiving and giving divine in its right time. If a man's not calling you or thinking of ways to spend time with you, he's not interested in you.After all, it's better to have a hen tomorrow than an egg today, no?


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