NORMA JEAN: Bi Sexuality

I received a phone call this morning from a young gay man, new to town. We talked ... and talked ... and I thought I'd share some of his thoughts about dating in Albuquerque, being a gay man and the frustrations facing all of us as we try to Þnd our partners in the '90s. Eavesdrop ..."What is it with this city? I just moved here from L.A., and am a gay 'out' man. I ran a personal ad and have met the weirdest, most confused men I've ever met in my life, even beyond those in West Hollywood! Gay men here seem so dishonest about their homosexuality, often surrounding themselves with women to prove a kind of ambiguous sexuality.When I meet a guy who answers my ad, I'm up front about everything. Often they say they are bi-sexual -- you know, masculine men who want sex with other men, too. They get nailed to the cross because I clearly state in my ad what I want: "Gay Man ISO Commitment." I suppose there are lots of men that support this other charade, but I prefer a loving, honest, relationship. When someone tells me he is thick/hung, it could be a 5-incher. We call it the "West Hollywood 8." (laughs) People grossly misrepresent themselves on the phone. Upon meeting, they hope we'll both look the other way and fuck anyway. Personally, getting my nut through a hole in the wall at Viewpoint is comparable. ...I deÞnitely want to be turned on with a well-endowed man, and I want commitment and love as well! Men pick a guy like me to be safer, with no intention of commitment, and then exaggerate their assets to get a meeting. Uncensored Alternatives are for those who want to get it on, I thought, and regular Personals for more serious relationships. Double-living and closeted lives should keep the same company. People need to truly look at their sexual identity and perhaps seek counseling before they go out and dick people around, only to fall back into the cyclic pattern of getting their nut and returning to the closet. Being gay never means you are less of a man.I have slept with many women, but I don't disguise my homosexuality to heighten my self-esteem like so many men do. I will not forsake the cause of my gay brothers by claiming to be 'bi.' Big deal ... I can sleep with women, but I still prefer men. Being homosexual is not emasculating whether you are a so-called 'top' or 'bottom.' I think even in a heterosexual relationship these roles play out. As a 'top/bottom' myself, any position is equal. We're in it for mutual satisfaction, right? Imagine the risks and emotional confusion these guys hoist onto their female lovers and wives? If they can't be straight about something so fundamental, then I can bet they are not playing 'safe' either. Basically searching for that 'perfect dick' and then going home to wives is way weird."What a world....


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