Norma Jean: A Tourist in Your Bed

Like tourists whose heads are buried in maps, holding armfuls of trinkets in an attempt to absorb a foreign culture, sex partners are often that distance from the real core of another's sensuality, from the pleasures of sex itself, true for both women and men, -- straight, bi or gay. People barely know each other when first engaging in the explorations of the nervous system. A kiss, a touch, first base and you're naked, rushing towards orgasm on a familiar one-way course paved from pre-pubescent masturbation, eyes squeezed closed. And suddenly it's over. Of course, in some instances there's prolonged foreplay and a deeper connection. In other encounters feelings are lukewarm on both ends, and the act is consummated simply because you're there already and it's too late to go home. Casual sex is often pathetic and bankrupt. People go from partner to partner, and like Mickie says so well, "Can't get no satisfaction."Many find abstinence the more desirable state. When one turns off the gas, so to speak, one adjusts and finds the even-keeled life of a quasi-monk better than the game of hunting and nailing people only to run off the next morning a little dizzy and mildly depressed. This is the sentiment when folks say in their ads, "tired of the bar scene."Men tell me they're dissatisfied by their sex lives even when they're getting laid by a lot of different women. So what makes for great sex?I hear everything from, "I need someone to take charge, a person ordering this or that," to the need to be in a committed relationship with emotional overtones that color the sex experience each time, to "fetish-only" types, to the slightly off-balance thrill of one-night-stands, to the mundanities of the size of the prize or perk of the nipples. My lover and I've raved about how good sex was the first weeks of our courtship. This morning over breakfast we sat giggling about the good sex "back then," actually guffawing: "We must have been shut-ins to have thought that was good. Now it's really amazing." Exploring the tip of the iceberg is often mistaken for the entire mountain. Intelligent lovers desire to give pleasure because "giving" is so much more than grabbing what you can and getting out as fast as you can. Men who delight in studying woman's sexuality are men who truly love women and receive all the precious gifts and pleasure the feminine has to offer.Women confess that at first men try to please in some technical way, and then it's, "Honey, just suck my ... " I've actually encountered men who say, "If she can't get off it's just too bad for her," and then go to lengths to describe how much pleasure she gets just by serving him. This statement and more has been shared by those who pride themselves on their sexual prowess; their "dominant" nature.Don't settle for crumbs, emotionally or physically. Take time to study each other and perfect the tango. There's everywhere to go on all fronts.

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