Mommy, Can I Be Elian Too?

Hello, my name is Christian Connor. I am six years old, and I am seeking asylum too.

I don't like living in Flint, Michigan and want to live in France instead. Paris, to be exact, the 17th Arrondissemont, near this great pastry shop where they have chocolate crescent rolls as big as my head. My Dad lives there with his new wife Marguerite and they have puppies and the new SEGA Dreamcast and its a lot better than here because when I'm with my Dad I don't have to go to day care, which is icky because the other kids are dumbasses and don't even know how to speak French.

My mom has to work all the time in Michigan and it gets really really cold, and I don't like it cuz it stinks. No really, it does, all the time. Like burning garbage or something. And in France they don't have real potteys but these holes in the ground you poop in and its cool and you can bring your doggies right inside the restaurants and they eat with you.

And oh yeah, the government here is more strict like Mrs. Ratchet at Wee Pals Day Care and they let you play with more toys over there and the cheese is better too. Not as good as where my cousins live in Wisconsin but even Mom says she wouldn't live there if they paid her.

So, please let me go to France, and put me on TV too. That's way cool.

Will Durst thinks every family court is going to need a customs specialist.

Understand the importance of honest news ?

So do we.

The past year has been the most arduous of our lives. The Covid-19 pandemic continues to be catastrophic not only to our health - mental and physical - but also to the stability of millions of people. For all of us independent news organizations, it’s no exception.

We’ve covered everything thrown at us this past year and will continue to do so with your support. We’ve always understood the importance of calling out corruption, regardless of political affiliation.

We need your support in this difficult time. Every reader contribution, no matter the amount, makes a difference in allowing our newsroom to bring you the stories that matter, at a time when being informed is more important than ever. Invest with us.

Make a one-time contribution to Alternet All Access, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you.

Click to donate by check.

DonateDonate by credit card
Donate by Paypal

Don't Sit on the Sidelines of History. Join Alternet All Access and Go Ad-Free. Support Honest Journalism.