How to Talk Like a Dork
It's these little humiliations in life that can drive you to Steven King land. It's that last little bit of mock civility that makes you want to pick up your your free cheese and laptop computer from the Republican welfare program and live the rest of your life in a cardboard box. "Ba-bye" is one of the most irritating things to creep into the spoken language since "groovy." Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't "ba-bye" just a shortened version of "bye-bye" as in the baby speak "Mommy and Daddy go bye-bye now." So half of corporate America, most of the retailers and all of the flight attendants are now speaking in baby talk. To coin another great American phrase "what's up with that?" Maybe I'm picking on "ba-bye" a little too much. There are plenty of other stupid things we say every day. Dig yourself. How to like talk like totally like a dork and send your English teacher to an early grave: * May I help you?: This once polite phrase has been taken to new condescending depths when used to mean: "You're obviously in the women's lingere section because you're either a pervert or because you're trying to work up the courage to buy your girlfriend something (in which case you're still a pervert) and I'm going to make you squirm." Or, "There is no way you are ever going to be able to afford one of these cars, so why don't you just run along before you scare away the real customers." * Okey Dokey: The embellished version of OK. Having your doctor describe your medical condition as "Okey Dokey" should cause you to seek a second opinion. * You Betcha: The flowery version of the standard Utah "You bet!" which is flowery version of "yes," "sure" or "my pants are on fire." * Howdy: Standard greeting used by cowboy poets, truck drivers, swing dancers and anybody else who considers themselves "western." If you are old enough to remember Howdy Doody, you'll have a hard time not thinking of that goofy face every time someone says this. * Unthaw: Not soley, but primarily a Northwesternism that means exactly the oposite of what one normally would want it to mean. "Hey, why don't you unthaw a couple of those burritos of dinner?" What? You mean you want me to put them back in the freezer? * Upta: The slang version of "up to" which has nothing to do with direction or altitude since you can live in Logan and be "upta" Preston, Brigham City or Death Valley. * go with: Fast becoming the national incomplete sentance of choice. It's used in quasi-hip conversation such as "I'm going to Preston, you want to go with?" C-Ya.