HIGHTOWER: The Strange World of Advertising
Let's take a trip into the Far, Far, Far-Out Frontiers of Free Enterprise.Today, Spaceship Hightower takes you once again into the bizarre sphere of product advertising. Our guide in this surreal world is Consumer Reports magazine, which keeps finding the Black Holes that swallow any shred of truth in ads.Let's start with the "105 Piece Ladies Tool Set." Here's the hammer, pliers, two screw drivers, needle-point pliers, measuring tape, adjustable wrench, and ... well, I only count 20 tools, not 105. Ah! Here they are in this little box --85 assorted screws. So, screws are what you get, huh?But here's something for FREE! It's a chiropractic pain relief center that says, "Most chiropractors only offer you a free exam. I offer much more than that!!! FREE headache pain consultation, FREE headache pain X-rays, FREE computerized spinal motion study, FREE examination & diagnosis of your back pain" and many more FREE services. The price for the complete FREE pain analysis and diagnosis plan: $49.Forest Lawn cemetery also offers an amazing deal for you: FREE burial service. This is an $825 deal for digging a hole, putting your loved one six feet deep, then covering it up. But you better hurry -- the Forest Lawn deal for the dead is only good through June 30, 1999. Oops ... too late.Then there's the chance to buy some incredibly -handy, plastic storage boxes for your favorite videos. You can put your favorite movie or home videos in here, but the real attraction of these plastic cases is that each one "automatically becomes portable when carried." Yes! And, while the company doesn't brag about it, each one also automatically becomes stationary when you set it down.This is Jim Hightower saying ... What a strange world.