HIGHTOWER: The JFK Limo Tour
Time for another trip into the "Far, Far, FAR-OUT Frontiers of Free Enterprise."Today, Spaceship Hightower takes you into the boundless world of Tourism -- a destination that P.T. Barnum surely had in mind when he observed: "There's a sucker born every minute."So travel with me now to Dealy Plaza, the Grassy Knoll and the Texas School Book Depository in Dallas for: The JFK Presidential Limousine Tour. That's right, for $25 you, too, can take the last, fateful ride that John F. Kennedy took 33 years ago. Paul Crute is your tour-guide and the free-enterpriser who has outfitted a 1960s Lincoln Limo Convertible just like JFK, Jackie and John Connelly rode that day --and, now, you can ride the exact same route, complete with piped-in sound effects and authentic, on-the-scene radio broadcasts from the moment of the assassination.The tour starts at Love Field, where Kennedy arrived on November 22, 1963. You glide down Lemmon Avenue, hearing the taped cheers of crowds that stood ten-deep that day. Then the convertible turns into the S-curve past the school book depository and heads toward the underpass when you suddenly hear: BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM!Then the limo accelerates out onto Stemmons Freeway, with the sound of sirens raising goose-bumps and a radio re-broadcast squawking: "We see a secret-service man spread eagled over the car. We can't see who has been hit, but apparently something is wrong here." Crute drives you right to Parkland Hospital's emergency room, where JFK was taken, and there you hear the famous words: "It's official now. The President is dead." Funeral music plays then, as the tour ends.What next? The Ruby Ridge Bed & Breakfast, Re-living the Waco Inferno and A Bosnian Genocidal Weekend for Two.