Goofus and Gallant on the Job

Who are you around the office -- Goofus or Gallant?Gallant notices that the office coffee pot is empty. He finds a packet of the richest Colombian beans, fills the pot with only the freshest spring water and brews a savory pot sure to delight his office mates.Goofus waits for Somebody Else to make coffee. If Goofus' head were to roll off, would he wait for Somebody Else to pick that up, too?The boss announces that a session on benchmarking best practices, practicing best benchmarks and benchpressing practice bests is scheduled for 2 p.m. next Tuesday. Gallant immediately jots down the time and date in his crisp, stylish Franklin Planner.Goofus immediately jots down the wrong time and date in his Bonnie Franklin Planner, an old notebook featuring the perky, vivacious star of "One Day at a Time" (who is currently between sitcoms) on the cover.Upon entering the elevator, Gallant presses the button for his floor but keeps an ear cocked for little rustles or footsteps indicating that someone else may be planning to enter the elevator. He keeps one hand poised over the "Door Open" button with the other positioned in the doorway. Only when he is satisfied that no one else will be boarding does he place both hands at his side and proceed to his floor.Upon entering the elevator, Goofus notices a pregnant woman is coming toward the door. He quickly presses the "Door Shut" button so the doors bounce off her sides and throw her into the hallway. "Sorry, I thought it was the 'Door Open' button," he yells as the elevator takes off on a nonstop trip to his floor.Gallant notices that the photocopy he has made is a little light. He carefully moves the darkness bar on the copier up one notch, keeping one finger crossed as a reminder to himself that he absolutely must move that bar back to the central position when finished.Goofus collates, staples and copies like hell until he jams the machine. Then he moves on to another machine. Does the first copier say, "If paper jams, call Somebody Else at 222-LAZY"? I don't think so, do you?Gallant passes by an office mate's empty desk and notices that the phone is ringing. Voicemail will pick up the call, but Gallant worries that some electronic glitch may arise and an important call will be lost. So Gallant picks up the phone and carefully jots down the caller's name, phone number, a brief message and the time of the day the call was logged.Goofus picks up the phone -- and slams it down to stop that irritating ringing.

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