Durst: You Can't Make Stuff Up Like This

You Can't Make Stuff Up Like This.*If Saddam doesn't shut up pretty soon, we should intimidate him by threatening to send over the U.S. Olympic Hockey team to rough up some of his hotel rooms.*See, the deal is, we will not tolerate the actions of ruthless butchers unless they're our ruthless butchers.*And speaking of China. Jiang Zemin compares the Chinese treatment of Tibet to Lincoln emancipating the slaves. The only difference being Lincoln ended a rein of brutal repression and the Chinese started one. *Don King got robbed at gunpoint in Mexico. Now he probably knows how pay per view boxing fans feel after a first round knock out. *Having Clinton vacation in the Virgin Islands is like sending a starving mountain lion to the Canary Islands.*If a bank ever offers Political Loans: the George Bush loan would show no interest, the Dan Quayle loan would lack maturity and the Bill Clinton loan would lose all its principle.*I wonder if Bill is finding the one good thing about having a hearing aid is you can turn it off.*Does Congress Day mean a Congressman sticks his head out of a pork barrel, sees his shadow, and we've got six more weeks of getting screwed? *You think NASA will give Senator John Glenn Prunetang to drink?

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. AlterNet’s journalists work tirelessly to counter the traditional corporate media narrative. We’re here seven days a week, 365 days a year. And we’re proud to say that we’ve been bringing you the real, unfiltered news for 20 years—longer than any other progressive news site on the Internet.

It’s through the generosity of our supporters that we’re able to share with you all the underreported news you need to know. Independent journalism is increasingly imperiled; ads alone can’t pay our bills. AlterNet counts on readers like you to support our coverage. Did you enjoy content from David Cay Johnston, Common Dreams, Raw Story and Robert Reich? Opinion from Salon and Jim Hightower? Analysis by The Conversation? Then join the hundreds of readers who have supported AlterNet this year.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure AlterNet remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to AlterNet, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.

alternet logo

Tough Times

Demand honest news. Help support AlterNet and our mission to keep you informed during this crisis.