Durst: You Can't Make Stuff Up Like This

* National Secretaries Day was last month. I'm wondering what Clinton's secretary got. Probably a dozen subpoenas.* You know if Bill Clinton does invade Iraq, his legacy might read "Make Love And War."* Larry Holmes is going to fight George Foreman. Sponsors for the heaviest of heavyweight bouts haven't been announced yet, but I have to assume they'll include Meatmucil and Depends. It's good to see Boxing get a Seniors Tour.* I imagine the US State Department is telling the Indian government, "of course we'll treat you like adults. It's just that unless you start to behave more like we say, not only will you lose another month's allowance, but you'll be grounded until the millennium and sent to bed without any curry."* Don't ask me how he did it, but I'm absolutely convinced that somehow Jerry Seinfeld is responsible for killing Frank Sinatra.* Looks like Bill Gates and Janet Reno have a real love hate relationship going on here. She'd better trod carefully or Microsoft is going to buy the Justice Department and put her at a customer service desk in Redmond. Either that or Microsoft will test an underground nuke near the Canadian border.* Nobody knows what Bill Clinton wants to do after his second term is over, but I have a feeling Ambassador to Sweden might be in the picture.* The triple crown racing season is going on at the same time as the NBA Playoffs. One difference between the two is thoroughbreds are expected to act like three year olds.Will Durst is also expected to act like a three year old.

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