Durst: You Can't Make Stuff Up Like This

* The good news is Jerry Tarkanian settled his lawsuit with the NCAA for a cool $2.5 million, is he now has enough money to bail out his starting five.* The Democrats in Congress want to ban high capacity ammunition clip -- probably wouldn't impact how postal workers do their jobs, but it would help make kids' backpacks a lot lighter.* The UPN Network has announced it will increase its TV schedule this fall to five nights. They also hope to add a fifth viewer.* Nike has announced reforms in its asian factories. Wonder if this means they're going to discontinue the "take your parents to work" day.* Jerry Springer says his guests don't follow a script. Well, obviously, that would require his staff book guests who can read.* Disney's Animal Kingdom has just opened in Orlando. It's supposed to be just like going to Africa. Only more expensive.* You know why I love watching the Home Shopping Network? Because there's no commercials.* I don't know how they kill Godzilla in the movie, but they should have just given him lower box seats at Yankee Stadium. Or maybe they're saving it up for the sequel when he fights another dinosaur: AMTRAK. Will Durst wonders if Cub fans are already learning the chant: "Wait Till Next Millennium"?

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