Durst: You Can't Make Stuff Up Like This

* Doctors in Louisville, performed the first hand transplant but it won't be considered a real success until the patient picks up the bill.* Is it just me, or was Teddy Kennedy strangely silent during the whole Clinton thing? And he was the perfect guy to offer up expert testimony. * Q. What do you call Al Gore leaning on a podium? A. A wood pile.* The good news is Whoopi Goldberg is going to host the Oscars. The better news is production on "Hollywood Squares" will shut down for at least a week.* The city of Los Angeles has limited gun purchases to one a month. I wonder if you can get a waiver if you can produce a note from your principal.* During the Impeachment proceedings, Congress kept saying they were voting their conscience. Yeah, right, Congress voting their conscience is a lot like a turtle flexing its wings.* Disney recalled video cassettes of "The Rescuers" because it contained two frames showing naked breasts. It will be repackaged and re-released at a higher price.* In Washington DC, a mayoral assistant used the word "niggardly" in front of people who didn't know what it meant, were offended, and forced him to resign. If this internal word pejorative-seeking becomes vogue, we'll never be able to say the word "country" again.Will Durst could get used to using the word "nation."

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