DURST: Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

The Republican National Committe is aghast. Al Gore hired feminist author Naomi Wolf as a consultant, and they are freaking out like drunken banana slugs on a salt flat. "He seeks out kooks and spends money like a drunken sailor in port," said RNC spokesman Michael Collins, obviously not the son of a Navy man. The Gore campaign says Wolf has advised Gore about talking to young voters. Maybe she could convince him to stop talking down to all of us. The RNC tried to take advantage of the controversy by faxing excerpts of Ms. Wolf to conservative talk show hosts. The GOOP is all upset because she's the woman who said teenagers should be taught masturbation techniques. Hey, she meant it as part of sex education, not you should open up Home Room with it. "All right, class, pay attention. Now I want everybody to pull out your number two vibrators. You have five minutes. No checking your neighbors' work. Go. Becky, slower. Bobbie Joe, arch your back. Erin, wrong end." She advised Gore earth tones are reassuring and he apparently switched to brown, olive and tan. Maybe next time she'll tell him not to wear all three colors at once. Will Durst thinks what the GOOP is really saying is he's pusssy whipped.

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