DURST: What Rights?

At one point in the middle of Congressional hearings on something called the Passengers Bill of Rights, it slowly became shockingly apparent they were actually referring to us. Such a turning of tide has not been seen since Charlton Heston and that whole Red Sea deal.Admittedly this bill has about as much chance of passing in its entirety as a herd of vivisectioned banana slugs has of winning number 1 seed in the NBA Western Division playoffs. It would require airlines to tell the truth about such things as plane changes, runway delays and the origin of the meat in the so called chicken breast soaked in brown sauce, which could cause a revolt in the ranks. And trust me, when talking about the food in coach, rank and revolting are your key words here.It's time for us to weigh in with our own list of demands here.- The right to a no infant section.- The right to movie screens larger than a postcard.- The right to seats for people larger than pygmy supermodels.- The right to nuts. I want my nuts back. Unlimited nuts. And I'm not talking about my seatmates either.- The right to strict enforcement of stringent odor constraints. And yes, I am talking about my seatmates here. No shirt, no shoes, no chicken breast soaked in brown sauce.Will Durst has enough frequent flyer points for a roundtrip ticket to Io.

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