DURST: Unsolved PBS Mysteries

Alternet.org
April 26, 2000

Defying the age old tradition of offering up to the public only recycled slop like other lazy patronizing networks we disdainfully refuse to name, PBS is proud to announce it's daring new innovative entry into this year's fall schedule.In an unprecedented coup, Public Broadcasting has picked up the rights to "Unsolved Mysteries" and will air an entire season branching off into more metaphysical and philosophical directions with episodes devoted to plumbing the depths of inscrutability, answering the unanswerable and other queries into the enigmatic.- How do the English reproduce?- Where are all the baby pigeons?- Lexus LS400 or Infinity Q45?- Venice: City of Enchantment or a bunch of open sewers with mediocre outdoor cafes nearby?- Why does white trash invariably develop red necks?- What is the deal with those darn Balkans?- Pinocchio's Nose: simply a political occupational hazard, or does it extend to broadcast news and sports management as well?- Why is the other side of the pillow always cooler? as explained by Stephen Hawking.- How does Ken Burns remain humble?- German cuisine: an oxymoron?The show will be produced by the Electric Company in association with Frontline. Noam Chomsky will replace Robert Stack as narrator and the whole thing is brought to you by the punctuation mark "?".Will Durst is wondering if an episode will explain Celine Dion's appeal.

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