DURST: Unabomber Journals Released

The Unabomber Journals have been released to the general public, and surprisingly it turns out Ted Kaczynski was more twisted than your average rock and roll drummer after a two week gig in Amsterdam. Who knew? The journals were written partly in English, Spanish, numeric code and some frighteningly weird pictographs which researchers suggest may have anticipated the Spice Girls. Both the defense and the prosecution are expected to use the journals to enhance their case. The prosecution, because they expect the notations will reveal premeditation, and the defense because they will attempt to portray Teddy as crazier than a shithouse rat on mescaline living in a mirrored maze where they play nothing but John Tesch music 24 hours a day. Which probably won't be that hard to do, since he showed less compassion for his victims than Republicans feel for people without stock portfolios. I don't expect the Journals to be a best seller, at least not until they've been abridged into trade paper, but I can see the movie rights being scooped up by Roger Corman. A quickie five week production filmed in Alberta to avoid union problems, starring a bearded Eric Roberts as the tragic misunderstood anti technologist. And of course, Uma Thurman as the high school hall monitor who rejected him.Will Durst wants to play Eddie, the best friend, who never gave up on his buddy, even when he was living on raccoon jerky.

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