DURST: TV Ratings

Alternet.org
April 26, 2000

The television industry, which is to say a group of people with the instincts and morals of steroid poisoned ferrets in heat, has decided to pre-empt Congress and police itself with a ratings system of its own design. Oh, yeah. That's going to work. Next we can put sharks in charge of salmon hatchery security. Appoint Charles Keating as civilian chairman of the House Banking Oversight Committee.The first incarnation of the ratings are only about as confusing as a Japanese production of Ionesco. Right now, there's six ratings in two categories. The kids category has two ratings:TV-Y: recommended for youths of all ages, which means about four shows on PBS.TV-Y7: recommended for youths 7 and older, or everything with toy commercials in it.The other category is for nighttime shows.TV-G: recommended for general audiences, meaning each and every show with Erkel in it.TV-PG: parental guidance suggested, a rating created for the millions of parents who are in need of guidance.TV-14: recommended for audiences 14 and older, or just about the entire load of trash delivered to your screen every night. TV-M: recommended for mature audiences, which is misleading since there isn't much on television a mature audience would appreciate.Will Durst will nominate his own ratings tomorrow.

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