DURST: Tripp-ed Up

Monica talks! Monica apologizes! Monica giggles! Monica cries! All the way to the bank.Beginning her blitz through promotion land that will make the Nazi push into Poland look like a leisurely stroll through a petting zoo, Ms. Lewinsky went on ABC for two hours and let Barbara Walters do whatever it is that Barbara Walters does. Apparently it has something to do with getting folks confused by questions they've heard a thousand times before. Guess they're not used to hearing them in a voice that could be patented by industrial restaurant supply stores as a cheap way to bulk grate carrots.Incidentally, the most hated woman in America (and no I don't mean the creepy lady in the Old Navy commercials, the one who isn't Morgan Fairchild), the unofficial mascot of the University of Alaska -- Nome Walruses, Linda Tripp, got a new job yesterday as a public affairs specialist. Did you get that? Public affairs specialist! Linda Tripp. You can't make stuff up like this.She won't talk to reporters in her job but will advise other staff members on what to say to the media. "Okay, now, when they question you about the budget just look them in the eye and tell them they're fat. It'll work. Trust me."Will Durst wouldn't trust Linda Tripp as far as you could throw Monica Lewinsky, Barbara Walters, Morgan Fairchild and that creepy lady all tied together, uphill.


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