Durst: Tissue Engineering

A University of Massachusetts anesthesiologist has figured out how to grow a human ear on the back of a mouse. Well, its about time. I can't tell you how many times I've been talking to my wife and bemoaned the fact that human ears just weren't appearing on the backs of mice like I imagined they would be growing up. And what kind of porcine prejudice keeps technology from perfecting the process of implanting human noses on the back thighs of pigs? I suppose cats are going to want thumbs and pockets now. The process is known as tissue engineering, and will serve to introduce Pioneer and Bose to the mousetrap industry, as well as provide the rodent eyeglass cartel with a start up market. Now that reality is catching up to science fiction, we're going to have to change some things around here. Marc Antony must implore his listeners to; "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your mice." The children's song "Three Blind Mice" will be altered to "Three Genetically Engineered Heightened Hearing Mice." And knowing capitalism as I do, its only a matter of time before the porno industry comes up with fully functional penis mice. They'll incorporate the same design features into computer mice and call them joysticks. Some things never change.

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