DURST: The Year in Review, Part Three

All right. Let's whip through this. 1998. Was to years what stainless steel was to Sans-A-Belt pants. What Pamela Anderson is to advanced trigonometry. So here's some resolutions people should make for this year but probably won't. In 1999:* Dick Gephardt resolves to try stray pieces of yarn, belly button lint, a no. 4 pencil, anything, to give the illusion of eyebrows.* Latrell Sprewell promises to drop his lawsuits in exchange for a 3 month scholarship to the Albert Belle Anger Counseling Clinic.* The Nobel Peace Prize Committee devotes its spare time to reward Hillary Clinton for the restraint she's shown by not belting Bill with a lamp everytime they're seen in public.* The Long Distance Giants affirm their committment to continue merging and merging and merging until they evolve into a single entity which will be renamed: Ma Bell.* Saddam Hussein steels himself to fabricate human shields made up of various sons-in-law.* Bill Clinton professes his desire to build for the initial part of his Presidential Library: a stone wall.* Al Gore vows to use strobe lights during Press Conferences to give the appearance of movement.* Newt Gingrich commits himself, sometime during the year, against his better wishes; to stumble onto a clue.Will Durst has found covering it with cheese alleviates his fear of white food.


Understand the importance of honest news ?

So do we.

The past year has been the most arduous of our lives. The Covid-19 pandemic continues to be catastrophic not only to our health - mental and physical - but also to the stability of millions of people. For all of us independent news organizations, it’s no exception.

We’ve covered everything thrown at us this past year and will continue to do so with your support. We’ve always understood the importance of calling out corruption, regardless of political affiliation.

We need your support in this difficult time. Every reader contribution, no matter the amount, makes a difference in allowing our newsroom to bring you the stories that matter, at a time when being informed is more important than ever. Invest with us.

Make a one-time contribution to Alternet All Access, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you.

Click to donate by check.

DonateDonate by credit card
Donate by Paypal
{{ post.roar_specific_data.api_data.analytics }}

Don't Sit on the Sidelines of History. Join Alternet All Access and Go Ad-Free. Support Honest Journalism.