Durst: The Return of H. Ross Perot

H. Ross Perot, that taunting tart, has invited suitors from both parties to come down to Dallas to tantalize his United We Stand Convention this weekend in an attempt to woo his fickle little heart, like some sort of Texas Scarlett O'Hara. Yes friends, your worst nightmare has come true. Its Ears 2: The Return. This is the guy who quit the race in '92, allegedly because the Republican Dirty Tricks Squad was going to disrupt his daughter's wedding. Which always made me wonder; how do you disrupt a Texas wedding? Do you back the pickups too close to the sheep spit? Force the bridesmaids to wear attractive dresses? Replace all that good picante sauce with that kind from New York City? "Get a rope." Many men in white coats should throw a net over this guy and keep him locked up in a real soft room until next November. He's flakier than a Sunday croissant. The wacky thing is, both the Democrats and the Republicans fall for this little twerp's tease and try to out grovel each other to be his sweetheart dreaming of a quick elopement. But still knowing in their heart of hearts they'll probably both end up having to sleep in the wet spot. Will Durst thinks Perot is French for "None of the Above"

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