DURST: The Otz

Oh Lawdy Lawdy Lawdy, like we don't have enough in the world to worry about, the USA Today just declared a "What Do We Call The Next Decade?" emergency. "Brnngh! Brnngh! Brnngh! People, we're going to Def- Con 4. Move it. Move it. Move it. Gunderman!" Of course, you might want to take this crisis with a grain of salt the size of Rudy Giuliani's ego, since USA Today is to journalism what a double bacon cheeseburger is to nutrition. Popular, but a steady diet often proves fattening. The Lambada: dance of the Millennium, my ass.The usual suspects have been nominated, but no clear winner has emerged. The Zeroes. The Zips. The Nadas. The Pre Teens. The Pre Tens. The Oh-Ohs. The Double Ohs. And my favorite: Fred. The author maintains no one knows what the 1900-1909 decade was called either, then quotes Ronald Grele of the Oral History Research Office at Columbia University (don't we poor twitching scribes paid by the word love those titles). He said WWI "became such a turning point in American life, the teens and aughts faded into 'before the war.'" Ding Ding Ding Ding! No more calls, we have a wiener. People, it's the aughts. And since we are so hip and so tragically choke-on-our-radichhio-pesto au courant, it is incumbent upon us to put our own little post neo-modernist calliope spin on it. The Otz. There you go. Crisis averted. Go back to your lambada lessons.Will Durst still can't quite master the Limbo, although he seems to have signed a long term lease to live there.


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