DURST: The Importance of Lies

Lies are important. We couldn't survive without lies. We just need a different name for some of them. LIES sounds so perjorative. What do you call the correct response to "Honey, do these pants make me look fat?" Is that a lie? No, that's self defense. You can't outlaw lies, then only outlaws will tell lies. If you make lies illegal, the very fabric of society would unravel. Think of it; our streets cluttered with the hollow eyed shells of lawyers, politicians and advertising executives.Without lies...* Your average relationship would last about as long as a carton of milk left out in a Phoenix attic in August.* New Technology Miracle Detergent would be... Soap.* President Clinton would be a mime.* Rush Limbaugh would host a daily three hour nationwide recipe show.* Steven Seagal would be known as a walker, not an actor.* You'd never ask anybody "how you doing?" ever again.* "60 Minutes" would have to be called "48 Minutes".* "The Tonight Show" would have to be called "March 4th, sometime back in the Early 50's."* We'd start calling sugar; sweet crack.* The American League would be referred to as the Quadruple A League.Will Durst doesn't lie. Well, only when he tells his mother how good her meatloaf was. That's a big lie.

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