DURST: The Idiot Box
We're probably known around the universe as the obnoxious noisy blue planet with the expanding hole in its roof and are blamed for bringing down property values in this quadrant of the solar system. All because of TV. The proof there is intelligent life elsewhere in the universe is they've obviously chosen not to contact us. I wouldn't be surprised to find yellow luminous police tape draped across the dark side of the moon cautioning, "Do Not Enter. Severe Tire Damage." The reason they call television the idiot box is because that's how anyone who doesn't wear a suit or a badge is portrayed on it. The rest of us are merely loveable dorks lacking the mental or physical dexterity to properly manipulate forks without ending up with a face looking like the red zone turf after a Niners-Packers playoff game. Nerds, goofs, victims and dweebs. Yes! We need us some humanities grants to keep the WB and UPN networks pumping out more product and we need it quick. I'm only talking about the fate of the Human race here. Maybe meeting a mortgage and balancing a checkbook doesn't make for good theater. I don't know. Maybe the dog breath network executives don't think we'd be interested in watching or listening to people like us. Obviously they aren't. I do know I'm glad normal people are represented by Hollywood as nothing more than brain dead bigoted bloaty globs of cellulite, incapable of communicating through anything more complicated than a series of rude grunts and belches and I hope they continue to ignore the vast majority of normal Americans who are trying to maintain that precarious perch of making a living and having a life. It's that or a future locked in a one foot by two foot feeding trough not able to move our little heads. Of course if the pens were equipped with overhead monitors tuned to the 24 hour Buxom Blonde Bikini Clad Detectives With Lots Of Big Guns And Birds Channel, I don't imagine you'd hear that many complaints.