DURST: Soft Money

Okay guys, now if I were you I'd sit down and cover myself with an insulated moving blanket because after you hear this, you're going to want to put something really heavy like a high single series bowling trophy through the glass door of your entertainment center and you don't want any shards to get in the cuffs of your pajamas, since you won't be able to sleep as it is.Bill Clinton, the man who owes more to soft money than Joseph Gallo owes to crushed grapes is petitioning the Federal Election Commission to abolish the "soft money" loophole. Oh, there you go. Next, I suppose Mark McGwire is going to ask Major League Baseball to declare any ball leaving the field of play is an out. Then Bill Gates will market a pad of paper attached to a pencil with a string and call it his revolutionary "analog laptop computer". Eventually I can see General Norman Schwarzkopff demanding all future wars be decided by Supersoakers full of urine at 30 paces.The rise of soft money was the direct result of a PREVIOUS reform which limited the amount any one contributor could give to an individual candidate. So instead of giving it to the candidate, now the contributions go to the candidate's party who... give it to the candidate. Obviously not the same thing at all. This involves many more banking transactions.You outlaw soft money and you know what takes over? Spongy downy suppley velvety money. That's when contributors give money to the candidate's party's treasurer's country club's janitor.We're moving the cookie jar from the kitchen table to the counter to behind a cabinet above the refrigerator and these are the guys who own the ladder and crowbar concessions.And Clinton knows it best of all. Being the retired Western Hemisphere Distributor for ladders and crowbars and all.Will Durst doesn't have soft money.

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