Durst: Presidential Hopefuls

It doesn't matter who runs this country. A manic depressive anthrax ridden Galapagos Turtle with the sense of humor of a median strip -- but let's leave Pat Buchanan for another day shall we. One thing you can always count on: the rich will rack up serious pool time and the poor won't. Newt's new idea of how to get the country really moving? We gotta lower capital gains taxes in order to stimulate the wealthy. Gosh, wouldn't a remote controlled cattle prod suppository stimulate them just as well? It's the famous trickle down economic theory. I don't know about you but I remember getting a little tired of being trickled on by Reagan. What, are we supposed to stimulate the affluent so they can soak themselves with 200 million dollar bonuses again, while we barely get damp enough to moisten a postage stamp? Michael Eisner, the head of Disney gave himself a 200 million dollar bonus a while back. That's 78 cents from every man woman and child in America. Hey! I want my 78 cents back. With that kind of money, I could -- I don't know, make three phone calls or something. You know, I'm starting to think maybe we should focus less on raising the minimum wage and more on lowering the maximum wage. Of course, then you run the risk of being responsible for all those cabana boys going tipless. I could live with it.

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