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DURST: President Clinton -- Man of the Year

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome this year's recipient of Man of the Year Award presented by Cutler's Kneepads; the President of the United States of America""My fellow Americans, I would like to thank you for this honor, although I still maintain I did nothing to deserve this other than just stand there. You might as well be giving the neck choking award to PJ Carlisimo. Let me repeat for the benefit of the back biting press gathered here, I never had sexual relations with that woman. And I'm pointing at Helen Thomas, right there. Or that woman, oops I can't say that, or that woman, no, damn. I'm going to need a seating chart here. Just kidding.I would be remiss if I didn't take this opportunity to also thank my wife because she too is partly responsible for me being honored here tonight. Mostly responsible if you want to know the truth. But no, nobody wants to hear the real truth. Especially about a man's needs. And his urges. And a man does have urges. So who of you out there would like to help keep the leader of the Free World's equilibrium under a high boil by bending to the will of my urges? Think of it as your patriotic duty. Form a red white and blue line to the left. One at a time, ladies."

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