DURST: One Hand Clapping

Clinton recently said of the process of compromise on the budget battle "which came first, the chicken or the egg." Yeah, right, Bill. And what is the sound of one hand clapping. If a comedian tells a joke and no one hears it, is it funny? Man, I grew up hating philosophical conundrums, and those stupid tutorial aphorisms as well. My parents filled me chock full of those little edifying witticisms. "Remember Billy there's more than one way to skin a cat." Oh terrific Dad, please, could you catalog them all. "Well son, you got your traditional lengthwise, then there's without the ears, alternating directional stripes, and in time, you can learn to do the feline spiral... ending up with one long piece." You had to have heard this one. "You can't have your cake and eat it too." One question. The hell you supposed to do with it? Its cake. Its no good for grouting bathroom tile. As a lemony hair gel, it decidedly lacks. You can't use it as a contraceptive. Even sponge cake. "You can't have your shed and nail it shut": now that makes sense. My mother was unhinged about potential optic damage. "Quit horsing around you two, you're going to put out an eye." We're playing nerf checkers. She's knitting with 11 inch steel needles. To this day, Will Durst carries many emotional scars as well as a few nasty puncture wounds.

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