DURST: On Political Pay Raises

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA -- Where the very the merest of the hint of a whisper of a question of the goals of the political correctness movement can get you blackballed in every coffee shop where the bald waitress is dressed in black. Flying under the radar of a nation mourning over the death of one the world's most cherished treasures, and yes, I'm speaking of our premier clown painter, Red Skelton, the House voted itself a $3000 pay raise in a fast track action that would make Mach 3 appear as lethargic as a Steven Seagal action sequence filmed in strobo vision.This pay raise was attatched to an automatic cost of living increase received by federal workers. In order to stop the raise, our august body of elected representatives would have had to written an amendment to the annual Treasury Department spending bill, but in an occurence more stupefying than non dairy creamer at a gas station coffee nook, no one did.Imagine that! A bill, which not one of the 435 members of the House saw fit to alter. No provisions. No suggestions. An hours debate. The minumum time it takes to raise the necessary bail. And not a single misgiving, doubt or passionate espousal. This is the equivalent of Gourmet Magazine's 100 Top American Chefs unable to come up with an herb fruit salsa to bathe a hickory smoked rotisserie chicken, on a seasonal locally grown raspberry reduction.So essentially, you could say; they earned a pay raise by not voting on it. Which I interpret as meaning, our eternal diligence now has to include worrying about them doing nothing. Their excuse for more money always sounds like, "We need the extra money to attract a better class of candidate." Well, obviously. Translates to "If you paid us more, we wouldn't have to steal. So much."JOKEQ. You know why politicians all wear dark suits. A. So we can't see the wires on reverse shots. Will Durst has so few wires, he's about to fall down.

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