DURST: OJ Simpson

Now we know why OJ Simpson didn't testify during his criminal trial. The guy is more confused than a field mouse strapped to the controls of the Space Shuttle Enterprise trying to correct a re-entry angle. Hamilton Burger could have prosecuted this case and won. His alibi is that he was taking a nap while practicing chip shots in the shower with his cell phone.The cuts on his finger? Easy. They were received when he swept a broken glass using the back of his left hand with one leg up on the sink and his head holding up the ironing board in a Chicago hotel room. Or his 7 year old kid did it. Or rabid crows pecked at him while he was sleeping.The lie detector problem is simple to explain. He didn't know he flunked. Didn't even know what it was he was hooked up to. Just thought he was having his alpha waves massaged. Or he was donating excess rhythm to uncoordinated suburban white kids. And all the blood in the Bronco got there during a freak blood storm while he was doing his weekly community service with handicapped puppies.Will Durst hopes the Juice makes more money off the video of this trail than he did off the last one.

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