Durst: Newt's "History" Lesson

You think you know America? You don't know squat until you've heard its grand history through the eyes of Professor Newt Gingrich. Yes, for only four easy payments of $39.95 you'll receive an album of audio cassettes with hours and hours of what at first seems babbling prattle, but on closer inspection is much, much more. It's Newt Gingrich's America. Like the prisoners in Maricopa County Jail who are forced to listen to these lectures, you'll scream with joy when hear the Speaker of the House interpret our past with his unique spin. You'll learn things you never knew. * How this was a pretty good country until the Indians ruined it. * Why the great Flu Epidemic was the direct result of the failed liberal policies of Grover Cleveland. * Which disastrous economic side effects arose from giving women the vote. * Why child labor actually encouraged family values. * How the railroads could have made more money if they hadn't treated their Asian workforce like royalty. * Delve in the personal philosophy of the speaker and find out why nothing in the world will make you feel more like a man than sticking something sharp into the soft side of a pig. You'll hear a rose colored reminiscence of how much better it was way back when. None of which is true but is so comforting as presented in this handsomely bound fourteen cassette compilation. Newt Gingrich's America. You'll never hear it like this again!

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. AlterNet’s journalists work tirelessly to counter the traditional corporate media narrative. We’re here seven days a week, 365 days a year. And we’re proud to say that we’ve been bringing you the real, unfiltered news for 20 years—longer than any other progressive news site on the Internet.

It’s through the generosity of our supporters that we’re able to share with you all the underreported news you need to know. Independent journalism is increasingly imperiled; ads alone can’t pay our bills. AlterNet counts on readers like you to support our coverage. Did you enjoy content from David Cay Johnston, Common Dreams, Raw Story and Robert Reich? Opinion from Salon and Jim Hightower? Analysis by The Conversation? Then join the hundreds of readers who have supported AlterNet this year.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure AlterNet remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to AlterNet, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.

Close
alternet logo

Tough Times

Demand honest news. Help support AlterNet and our mission to keep you informed during this crisis.