DURST: Newt Gingrich -- First Republican
Today, Newt Gingrich will probably be the first Republican in 60 plus years to be re- elected to the post of Speaker of the House, and to be perfectly honest, the Democrats aren't exactly crying in their beer. For one thing, compared to the guys who might replace him, the Evil Dough Boy is a freakin moderate. His obvious successor, Dick Armey: just a little to the right of Attilla the Hun, would declare open season on Democrats starting with another deer in the headlights on the character highway: Bill Clinton. Not to mention the unfortunately named Mr. Armey has endeared himself to fellow Republicans the same way chigger mites in the towel concession charm a swim team right before an Olympic qualifying event. Also, in comparison to the lightning rod that is the Newtmeister, everyone in Washington comes off as Mr. Clean following a sterile bath in a surgery room.So the Democrats secretly yearn for the Republicans to hold their nose and reluctantly vote for their wounded salamander. Which they probably will, hoping the heat dies down before they start smelling the tangy yet gamey odor of roast reptile. After all, the man never actually lied to the House Ethics Committee; his lawyer did. All Gingrich is guilty of is hiring a really stupid lawyer, and who among us can say we did no worse? Most of our Representatives are lawyers, right?Will Durst is a comedian and thus hopeful Newt stays on for a couple more years.
