DURST: Newt Gingrich

Alternet.org
April 26, 2000

House Speaker Newt Gingrich is about to get his wrist slapped with a loosely packed goose down pillow covered in velvet. On Saturday he admitted breaking House rules and causing "a controversy which could weaken the faith people have in their government."Weaken? No, Newt, I think reinforce is the verb you're looking for. Augment. Bolster. Fortify. Support. The Congressional Ethics Committee, one of the more creative oxymorons currently in use, (guaranteed pension and McDonald's nutritional chart are others of note), has charged the Newtmeister with providing it with "inaccurate, incomplete and unreliable information," or in layman's terms: "liar, liar, pants on fire."No one's mentioned that Newt spent most of the last two years insisting he was not guilty of these charges; whimpering and sniveling about how the liberal press was out "to get" him. Maybe he actually deluded himself into believing his own innocence. He could be one of those guys who lies to the press then believes what he reads. Republican colleagues issued a statement saying Mr. Gingrich's admission showed he was a "determined leader capable of learning from his mistakes." Well, if this Evil Dough Boy learns any more, Stephen Hawking may be forced to give up his "Smartest Man In The Universe" award.Will Durst hopes he never gets that smart.

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