DURST: Kasparov Cries

So to believe the newpapers, humankind is doomed because a bunch of circuits and wires made Gary Kasparov cry. Hey, settle down peoples of Earth. Personally, I don't think he's wound all that tight to begin with. The guy probably cries at AT&T commercials. He lost a chess game to a computer. Big freakin deal. We still regularly crush them in Chinese checkers and Yahtzee, don't we? And when was the last time you saw Troy Aikman throwing a roll out post pattern bomb to a robot? Alvin Harper doesn't count. And no, we're not going to bring Hockey into this. Besides, who do you think programmed the stupid computer? Damn right! If it hadn't been for us weasly bipeds teaching Big Blue how to cheat real good, that mass of silicon would have begun smoking like a four pack a day garage band bass player after a transcontinental flight on ValuJet after the third move, and Kasparov would be chugging Peppered Vodka straight from his Gucci boot right now. So we humans are subservient in intelligence to computers. Yeah, what's your point? Let Kasparov challenge Big Blue to a guts match of Twister and see what happens. Let's see the almighty wired one handle a table full of drunken heckling tourists during a second show Friday. Then we'll see who can play hardball. Will Durst can't play chess.

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